Once again, I have to apologise for the fairly sparse posting as of late. I'm back at home-home (as opposed to uni-home, confusing) now, and will be for another week. Much as I loved catching up with my uni friends and chilling in our parent-free house I'm so glad I came back now as a) it's started to get very snowy in my chosen city of studying and our heating is controlled totally by our landlords so I imagine it might be getting pretty chilly and b) pretty much everyone I know at uni are now also at their respective parental homes, so I think I'd be getting pretty lonely by now! I can't wait to go back once term really begins though and throw myself back into university life. I was going through old photos from just before our first year freshers until Christmas the other night for a project I have planned, and I realised that whilst day-to-day I can sometimes feel like my life is pretty dull - get up, go to uni, come home, watch TV, go to bed, repeat - I've had some really fun adventures since I started - spontaneous days out, crazy nights (both out and in - never underestimate the hilarity of getting pissed in your own front room/kitchen when surrounded by friends - plus there's no taxi fee to your bedroom!), and I've made pals I hope will stick around long after we graduate. However the craziness and spontaneity has waned a little of late for me at least, and looking back over all those stupid, beautiful photos I realised just how much I want to get back into that way of life. I've never been the sort of person who can go out three or four nights a week and live to tell the tale (apart from maybe a couple of weeks just after I turned 18 and the world of legal clubbing suddenly opened it's grimy, sticky arms to me, and of course in freshers, because everyone is blessed with a sudden superpower to party in that week - freshers flu is the natural hangover to that), but I used to be the sort of person who could go out a couple of times and stay sane - or even go out once and not end up panicking because of all the people, cry, and have to be sent home (yes, that has actually happened to me).
I've already asserted on here that one of my big goals for 2013 is to beat my anxiety, but January's goal (which I realise is quite late, but until recently my only goal has been to complete both exam and essay without becoming a whimpering mess of books and drama terminology) is a step simpler than that. Looking over all of those pictures, I realised two basic things: 1. I need to let go more again, and 2. I need to get my energy back!
Again, as I've already mentioned on la blog, I was a bit poorly sick over Christmas (boo, hiss, poor me etc. etc.) (I'm using a lot of brackets today I realise - I sincerely apologise!) (I won't stop though. I don't think I can) (am I meant to capitalise the beginning of each bracket? I'm not sure. This is the sort of thing I feel an English student should know - see above r.e.: whimpering mess) as I was saying: I was a bit poorly sick over Christmas, as previously mentioned, and although I didn't have the dreaded ebola virus whatever I did have was of a flu-ish virusy nature and seems to be taking a hell of a long time to get over. Even now, three or four weeks after I started getting properly I-need-to-spend-the-day-in-bed ill I'm still tiring out incredibly fast and feeling very soupy (soupy: slow minded, muddled, in need of a constant cuddle and a lie-down) a lot of the time. Going through my old pictures, I realised how rubbish it feels to simply lack energy - it makes you feel mentally low as well as physically. I think that my energy had begun to dip even before this virus swooped in for the final kick; in the month or so leading up to Christmas I went through a few patches of feeling quite low, feelings not necessarily caused by anything other than stress or minor irritations, but in general I just felt very lethargic.
Therefore, my main goal for the remainder of January is very simply: get healthy. Since that virus, I have not been healthy, and if I'm honest I probably wasn't living very healthily in that low month either - my eating went downhill, I wasn't going to the gym as often, and I just wasn't looking after myself as well as I should have been doing. I can tell that my health isn't as it should be physically because my usually fairly strong nails have been quite weak lately, and I've been experiencing some serious breakouts on my skin. In order to achieve at least two of my goals for 2013: to maintain a fitness level at which I'm comfortable and to beat my anxiety, I first need a good level of health.
If you follow me on Pinterest you'll know that I'm forever pinning different workouts and health treatments (as my housemate put it the other day "If I log on and I see a load of ridiculously fit women on my dashboard, I know you've had a pinning spree!"). Well, I need to stop pinning and start - gasp - doing. The rest of this month will, for me, be dedicated to clean living and getting back into a regular exercise routine. I did a 'proper' work out (i.e. more than just some lackluster moves in front of the TV before deciding I 'ceebs') for the first time in too long yesterday - a couple of PopPilates videos, which are the best mixture of horrific and fantastic (and best of all, free!) if you're interested - and god can I feel my body right now. In a none-50-Shades way, I've really missed the ache that I get after a really killer workout, and I know my body will thank me for it eventually.
As well as my obsessive pinning I've been reading a lot of interesting New-Year-New-You themed things online recently, some of which I'll expand upon as I report on my progress. I think that next week will be the most intensive week for me in this little project as I'll be home for most of it (I plan to go back to uni a week tomorrow) so I'll have time to really put my mind - and muscles - to my goal.
I hope this post hasn't been too boring for you... I know it's a bit of an odd one (let's face it, it's basically just me blathering on), and if you've stuck with it this long then well done, thank you, gold star sticker on your sheet, you go Glen Coco. In the spirit of congratulating you for not just clicking away when you saw this mammoth chunk of rambling, I shall share with you a very stupid, very silly thing that I did the other day (and yes, I've put that in bold for those of you who were about to click away then saw this intriguing little chunklet of sentence in order to shame and guilt you into reading the rest of the post first because this is a treat only for the very best dahlings): I wore two bras all day long. I went to bed, took off my top, and realised that all day long, I'd had two bras on. One on top of the other. Both done up. Why? And even more, how?!?! Did I pack them in my suitcase (still unpacked, I'm living out of it, judge me, I hate packing/unpacking more than almost anything) in such a way that they molded together, then get dressed in some state of sleepy fog that meant I just shoved them both on without realising? Did I put one on, forget, and then put the other on? I WILL NEVER KNOW. All I know is that it happened.
One could say it was a turning point for me. A sign that I really, really need to get my shit together.
stay gold. Kiss kiss XX.